… then life happened.
I got completely thrown off my game today by a Facebook post and a phone call. It is odd the things that we allow to derail our more sensible plans. Funny thing is, my original post this morning was going to be about denial and the power we give it over our lives. Denial just picked up the phone and called me – now what?
I have options. I can ignore the call (which I won’t do). I can call back and indulge my own curiosity and at the same time try to be a good friend (which completely backfired on me once already). Or I can write a letter and let the receiving person decide what step they want to take next. My head says letter – my heart says phone call.
I have had several ‘addictions’ in my life and all of them go straight back to the power of denial and that I have allowed myself to live in that state [of denial] for my entire life until the last five years or so. It is a hard road to change addictive behaviors, because you need to acknowledge where they come from in the first place. Just ask anyone who has been through recovery, and they will tell you – overcoming denial is the hardest part of the whole process.
One of my more destructive addictions in my life has been people. I LOVE people. I think people are awesome. Since I love all people so much, I have let many into my life that didn’t need to be there. I have allowed my love of people to get in the way of my love for myself. I have let other people dictate my actions (peer pressure) and until recently I refused to acknowledge that people were my problem and not necessarily the way I choose to deal with them (alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, bars, gambling, Internet…), you get the idea right? These aren’t all bad things by themselves really, it boils down to our intentions for doing them that matters and to what level we abuse them.
So they say the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” I understand that and completely agree, but when it comes to people, I can say first hand that people – if given the chance – have the power to truly recreate themselves. I am no hero, but I feel if I don’t address this person in my life they may miss out on an opportunity to hear the hard truth just one more time and hopefully make the decision to take those hard steps and change their life. The really hard truth for me is that they probably won’t. Does that mean I should stop trying? Probably. Like any other addiction though, I am about to willingly backslide.
At least I am not in denial about it – not completely. I acknowledge my own part in what I am about to do and I am okay with whatever result will come of it. I pray it will be a positive result, but at least I won’t be surprised or hurt if it isn’t.