I am both excited and a little anxious about the two cases before the Supreme Court today and tomorrow. My future is in the hands of nine individuals charged with the huge responsibility to ignore their possible personal views and rule according to the Constitution of the United States. Here is a personal reason why marriage equality is important, and just how little it will have an adverse affect on traditional marriage. In fact – it will stop people like me from taking advantage of the current marriage laws. Let me explain…
You all know about Kitten and I. We are two women who share every moment of our lives together. We live together, share expenses, go to each others doctors appointments; we are best friends and lovers. Our lives are intertwined with one another in every way possible – except we can’t commit to one another legally. One reason for that isn’t because of U.S. or State law; it is because I am already married. Yupper – I have a husband.
You see I joined the Army the day after Bill Clinton enacted the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. I was grateful for that because I didn’t have to lie to enlist. Had I signed up one day earlier – I would have had to check YES in the box that said, “Are you a homosexual? and Have you ever participated in homosexual acts?” and I would have been denied entry into the Armed Forces or I would have had to lie – and face a discharge and possible UCMJ (military law) actions against me if I was ever caught with a woman. Thanks to DADT I was able to join without fear of lying – but I still had to hide who I was.
So when I reported to my first duty station in upstate NY, I had to live in the barracks. You can’t hide anything living in the barracks. So I married another Soldier so we could move out of the barracks and away from the prying eyes of everyone else. Now my husband is a super awesome guy and I do love and trust him very much (or I wouldn’t have married him). We have been happily married for 13 years now! Of course – we don’t live together, share finances, or have sex – so you know it is a recipe for a perfect marriage! Anyway – I only have health insurance right now because I am married to him. I COULD be covered under Kitten’s insurance, but we can’t do that (yet). My husband and I didn’t marry to procreate, we didn’t marry in a church, I don’t obey or submit to him – we just have a very serious contract together to be responsible for one another. I would prefer obviously to be legally and physically with Kitten and if the Supreme Court makes the right decisions today and tomorrow then my happy hetero marriage will end like most others; divorce. I want my marriage to be what everyone else has, not just a legal contract, but because I love my partner and want our lives to be joined in every aspect possible.
Now my ‘fake’ marriage hasn’t hurt anyone. So how on earth would a marriage between Kitten and I hurt anyone else? Is my relationship with my husband more important or real than my relationship with Kitten? What does it matter really in anyone else’s life who I marry? I make contracts with people all the time – buying a vehicle, renting a home, my cell phone provider – marriage under the law is really just a contract between two people and I am more than ready to break that contract with my husband and sign a new one with Kitten. How does that impact anyone but me and my husband and my Kitten? The fact is that it doesn’t . It is no ones business but mine who I assign my life to or who I make a financial contract with.
The arguments against marriage equality are mostly based on perceived biblical admonitions, and other religious values about what marriage is ‘supposed’ to be. Well, I am all for letting you define marriage however you want under your religious beliefs and live your lives accordingly, but in this country – we don’t have to subscribe to anyone else’s belief system. Under the law in our great country, we don’t have to be Christian, Jewish, Muslim or any other faith. We have the freedom to choose our religions affiliations or to not have any at all. Each group can define marriage however they want and live by whatever rules they set up for themselves. However, federally, the laws should be the same for every human being and for every consenting adult to be able to choose who they live with, who they share finances with, and least importantly who they sleep with. I sincerely hope and pray that the Supreme Court Justices uphold the ideals of our Constitution and allow for the end of discrimination against all people.
To all of you who support marriage equality – Thank you! To those who oppose it, well, I am sorry you feel so strongly about my life choices, but they don’t effect you in any way so please just accept the fact that some people are different than you and you have the freedom to not associate with those people you find offensive. Hopefully, the Supreme Court will make your objections invalid and allow for people to marry who they want; whether it is an arrangement like my husband and I, or a religious ceremony, or a union between two people who love each other enough to give their lives to someone else. Under the Constitution, we are all equal and we all have the same rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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