I am making this my final post for the “Tolerant People” blog because I have lost my capacity for tolerance. Kind of hard to promote an idea when you can no longer apply it to your own life. The last few months have been excruciatingly difficult for me, and as a farewell I am going to share with the world what happened, why it happened, and what I am going to do to change it. I have to write it. I sort of need an audience – even if no one is willing or able to help us. I am going to name drop, I am going to be offensive, and I am going to make it all public in the hopes that someone out there will eventually see it and pay attention to what is happening.
I am going to start with my own recent brushes with thoughts of suicide and homicide. Yes. I am writing that out loud. On Monday, I put my thoughts into action because the only way I see out of this situation; the only way I see to get help or media attention is to act drastically. I had plans to kill myself and the person I hold responsible for where we are now. THAT would have gotten some attention. I am hoping that by putting it out there – even if I get locked up in a mental institution (which on Monday night almost happened) because this story needs to be told. SOMEONE needs to be held accountable for the government ruining our lives. For the lack of accountability, the lack of help, the inability for the average American to exercise their basic Constitutional rights such as being allowed representation before an interrogation, the right to petition government, and the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On Monday, Stephanie and I were supposed to head to Washington D.C. to meet with a Federal Employment Attorney. For several reasons, we had to cancel that trip and settle for a phone consultation. Since I know that lawyers don’t give a shit about justice, just paydays that we would not receive the help we so desperately need. For a mere $3500 this lawyer agreed to help “push through” an EEO complaint that is sitting on some indifferent judges desk. Even though he flat out said, “It’s the Federal Government. You can’t really win.”
Anyway, when we had to cancel the trip, I lost my mind. Literally. I freaked out. I planned a murder, and I went so far as to grab a firearm, input the address in my GPS, went to the liquor store and purchased two pints of rum because there is no way I could do any of this shit sober. I was going to kill him and myself. The news reporting would have been epic, especially here in Philly when a white person commits an act like that there is media attention for MONTHS. It was my answer. It was the only reasonable way I could see to get help. I don’t care about myself right now. I care about my partner Stephanie. I care that she is no longer capable of dealing with this. I care that she is innocent, and our lives have been ruined by two men. One who can’t read a simple email (the OIG agent) and the coward Doctor who allowed this agent of the government to coerce him into saying that Stephanie is not injured. If I knew how to track down that agent, he would have been on my list too.
When I wrote the White House about this situation months ago – the National Suicide Prevention people called me. I am pretty sure I will hear from them again after this post. I don’t care. The thing is, normal citizens can’t do anything to help themselves other than blow shit up, shoot up a school, kill someone or themselves with a manifesto to explain why they let go of the rope that had kept them sane for as long as possible. I am out of rope. I am out of hope. I am out of ideas.
All we want? For a fraudulent investigation to go away. For Stephanie to get her name cleared, and have her medical benefits reinstated so she can get the treatment she so desperately needs. We want the assholes to stop following us. We are prisoners in our own home. Going grocery shopping we have to watch our backs, look for cars following us, and constantly worry that anything we do will be held against us. So why not go crazy? Why not give them something to investigate? Why not scare the shit out of these corrupt people? Why not go blow something up, or kidnap someone until they confess that they ruined someones life for no reason? Could the punishment for that be any worse than the anguish I now live with everyday? I am ready to die for this cause – just like for 15 years I was ready to die for the country that is now betraying me on so many levels it can’t even be explained coherently anymore.
They have stolen my love of my country. They have stolen the idea that even the lowest citizen can get access to justice. They have killed my hope in the American dream.
We have done everything we can possibly do on our own and we can’t get anyone to help us. Friends stay silent. It is a lonely process trying to prove innocence. It is an impossible process without a lawyer. It is a case no lawyer will even consider because it means suing the Federal Government. I am sure if we had enough money to retain a lawyer we could find one – but we don’t have that money. So we tried everything else.
We used the Freedom of Information Act to acquire all the proof we need. We tried our Congresswoman Allyson Schwartz whose minions ruined our chances of getting more information because the letter we wrote them for help – they sent straight to the USPS Office of Inspector General – who apparently is held accountable by no one. They can do whatever they want. Look out government employees – if the OIG is after you – even if you can prove them wrong, you are guilty. They are right even when they ignore their own protocol and standards for investigations. I have done so much research I know an OIG agents job better than they do. We were told to try our State Senator, which we did. No response. I have sent letters to media outlets, the White House, and several other agencies. We were told that OIG answers to the Department of Justice. What a fucking joke that was. No response. We were told that OIG investigates itself, so we reported them to them. No response. Then we were told they fall under the FBI, who said they would investigate. Still no response.
So what would you do? What would you do if you were innocent and had no chance of proving it? What if you were blocked from your own information? What if the Xanex and Prozac aren’t enough? No therapist can help. Psychiatry is a fucking joke. The lawyer we finally talked to yesterday who is a Federal Employment Attorney, did not even know some of the laws that effect his own practice – we had to tell him certain things, but of course lawyers and their fucking egos won’t listen to two women telling them that yes, we can in fact sue the government because of what they have done to us. Soon as you tell a lawyer they might be a little misinformed, well you no longer have a shot at hiring that lawyer for less than $6000 which is hard to come by when you have not been paid in 18 months.
The other problem, you can’t even just end it. You can’t walk away. You can’t just say “Fuck it” and move on when your entire mental health has been destroyed. Your sense of basic security and faith in justice has been obliterated.
I see all this shit on the news all the time. That stupid old ass bus aid getting bullied by a 12 year old is the fucking story of the year, but the government totally fucking people over isn’t a story at all. An old woman who can’t do her own job is able raise almost a million dollars because she let a child tease her. Seriously what the fuck is wrong with this country? We just need a fucking lawyer, or we need to blow shit up. The fact that you can’t do anything on your own in our legal system stops us from even being able to attempt to do it on our own. If I knew how I would bring this shit to the Supreme Court because it seems they are the only ones who could possibly say that an OIG agent acted inappropriately and broke all the rules set for them while conducting an investigation (the Freedom of Information Act can get you some good information like OIG investigation guidelines). If this dickbag had read one email – the investigation would have never happened if he was an ethical person. Obviously he isn’t. His name is Agent Kenneth Sadler (USPS Office of the Inspector General) and he should be held accountable one way or another.
Stephanie’s former Doctor Sheldon Jeffery Siegel was either coerced or threatened by this agent. He is being investigated by the State of PA because he changed Stephanie’s medical records to conform to what the OIG Agent told him to say. We had a malpractice attorney who’s partner knew the Doctor and called to inform him that we were pursuing charges for changing her medical records – and that they would be unable to take the case because “Suing doctors in Montgomery County is hard.” We reported the Doctor to the State licencing. He was investigated and prosecutor has been assigned to the case – where it is now sitting untouched (no sense of urgency on their part right?). We know he is no longer practicing at the office he had been working at, and I hope to God he got fired. I pray that his life sucks as much as ours does. I hope his life has been ruined because of what he actually did to break the law and ruin our lives. Stephanie didn’t break any laws – she followed her doctors orders – her doctor who altered those order in order to make her look guilty. We have four sets of records from this doctor – all different. Highly illegal and unethical for a doctor to do, but it isn’t considered malpractice so we can’t sue him. As far as he is concerned, if Stephanie has no injury, then why did he perform two surgeries on her? If she is healed, why can’t she stand for more than two hours without having to ice her foot for the rest of the night. Oh yeah – because he got scared by an OIG agent and made the last four years of treatment a non-issue because he said that, Stephanie misrepresented herself to me.” Fucking coward. We also considered this Doctor our friend and the betrayal by him was enough to traumatize Stephanie right into a PTSD diagnosis.
So is this post a threat? No. I am already over killing myself and killing anyone else. This post is a cry for help. This post is simply to point out why citizens in this country lose their shit and sometimes feel they have to take drastic measures to get someone to listen to them. I learned a lot about myself on Monday. I learned that I don’t really want to die and that killing these people won’t solve the problem. The only way I see it now is to get some publicity. To get someone to pay attention and listen to the whole story, to read the volumes of PROOF we have to not only prove Stephanie’s innocence, but the corruption and complacency of the U.S. Government and it’s agencies who are supposed to be there to PROTECT Americans, not destroy them with lies just to “close a case.”
The world is lucky that Stephanie and I have such a strong relationship that I was honest with her about my intentions. That she hunted me down and made me come home. She had to physically restrain me, and she had to almost admit me into one of the most horrifying mental hospitals around. I hit things, I threw things. My own dog bit me to try and get me to stop freaking out (Stephanie was restraining me from leaving the house and the dog was just trying to help). I drank almost an entire pint of rum in less than an hour to get myself ready. I also reached out to another friend while I was contemplating murder/suicide because in all honesty – that isn’t really the solution I am looking for; I have simply lost all hope in any other options.
If you are a lawyer and not a fucking douchebag complacent idiot – we can’t afford you, but we could use your help. If you have media connections please share this with them. If you are just a follower of this blog, I ask you to please share it is far and wide as possible so that we at least have a chance that someone who can and will be willing to help us can read it and contact us. We are at the end of sanity. We are at the end of hope. Stephanie is innocent and should be treated as such. The people responsible for all of this should be held accountable one way or another.
I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. I don’t expect to hear from anyone really, but this is my last sane attempt to get the help we need.
RELATED POST: Do you know any lawyers? I posted this back in March when I was still trying to maintain some anonymity. Kitten = Stephanie. It goes into some detail about what actually went on, but we know A LOT more now, and we have the proof we need to back it all up. I’ll work on a post that explains things from her end clearer so people can understand why we are freaking the hell out!